April Showers
A diary supposedly written by Ashley Biden, the daughter of the current president of the United States, has been in the news again. A woman has been sentenced to prison for stealing it and selling the contents to a news organization who declined to publish the contents. When reports first surfaced about the diary, White House spokesman Max Luzdegas said: “the Ashley Biden Diary isn’t even real and is totally fake. It’s fake news that’s AI generated by a cabal of conservative right wing ultra-MAGA white christian nationalist anarchist, the infamous hacker only known as 4Chan Anon, and the Russians. Any other explanation, no matter how based in fact and reason, could not possibly be true and the complacent news media won’t even report on it so why are we even talking about it in the first place.”
In October 2021 the FBI opened an investigation into a reported burglary of Ms. Biden’s property which included the diary. When asked by a reporter if the diary was false, why was there an investigation, Luzdegas said “Well, the document is real, like it’s actually paper that’s bound together. But the contents of the diary are complete fabrications.”
Once more supporting evidence surfaced that the diary was in fact genuine, Luzdegas said: “We never said the diary was fake, actually. The words in the diary are real and written by Ashley Biden, but the order that they appear in to convey meaning linguistically are what’s at issue here. Totally fake news! I mean, if they put the President in a good light, then we would have no issue with the contents. It’s just that there is nothing really good about Joe Biden in the document, so therefore it’s not inline with our worldview and must be false. It has to be false, how else would we cope with reality? Even if the words are in correct order, it’s the ink that is fictitious! How can we trust the ink? We don’t even know anything about the pen that wrote the words? How can that be trusted? Was the pen a ballpoint? Felt tip? This seriously undermines the validity of the claims found in the diary. It’s is the worst kind of fake news, true fake news! It’s obvious the work of the master hacker turned document forger, 4Chan Anon. No other Napoleon of Crime could have perpetrated such a scheme using a real diary written by Ashley Biden with true facts to create a masterwork of fake news.”
The contents of the diary were so false, the FBI had to confiscate it and raid the homes of several journalists who had access to the diary. This week a woman who stole the diary containing fake content and sold it to another fake news outlet was sentenced to a month in federal prison and three months of home confinement. Can you imagine how much time she would have gotten if the diary was true? Or better yet, what would be her reward if the diary was written by one of Trump’s children? Then we would know that every single word was true.