Crap Diplomacy
This week President Biden traveled to France to take part in the commemoration of the 80th anniversary of D-Day. Hoping to capture the spirit of the speech given by his predecessor Ronald Regan 40 years earlier, Biden gave a rousing speech full of patriotic themes and drew broad parallels to the war in Ukraine which had little to do with the sacrifice of the men who were being honored on the occasion. Then President Biden shit his pants.
Reports are mixed as to whether it was a full on BM or just a slight fecal brap. Some suggest it was just dementia related confusion and there was no encopresis whatsoever. What can be assured is this is not what the Biden campaign sought by putting the president on the world stage. What had the potential to be a remarkable moment of unity and camaraderie in an increasingly war torn world turned into speculation as to whether the leader of the free world dropped the first bomb in Normandy since WWII.
This comes after reports that Joe Biden had a similar incident during his audience with the Pope earlier in his presidency. Who knows what the Holy See saw or smelled, but there were unconfirmed reports of the incident widely reported in the media at the time.
However, White House Spokesperson Polly Fibbings said “I think it's emblematic of Biden's style of governing. He has always sought novel approaches to solving problems and crapping his pants no exception. He is a very busy man and he is laser focused on his voter base and also expanding his voter base by bringing in tens of millions more people here illegally. He simply does not have time to use the bathroom conventionally. It's actually a strategy he has developed to devote maximum time to serving the American people who are loyal to him.”
She went on “It doesn't matter where he is, he'll just let a turd fly and be on his way to his next task, like going to the beach or calling a lid at 9am on a Tuesday. He doesn't wear diapers either. He thinks the skin to poo contact keeps him motivated to move on to the next task. He is focused on jobs for the American people and he has personally attributed to a massive surge in business for the dry cleaning industry. His dry cleaning budget is almost as large as Ms. Alitos’ flag budget.”
Fibbings said, “Have you ever seen the videos of marathon runners who lose their bowels near the finish line but they keep running? That is our president. He's at the end of his race but he keeps running, mainly to remain in power to avoid prosecution of his many crimes, but also for the American people. He sees it as a brown badge of achievement.”
While we speculate if he has shit his pants or not, Biden’s policies are running headlong into escalating global conflicts and possibly a world war with no benefit for the American people. His lack of leadership on the world stage has endangered the security of the country and led to disunity among nations while weakening the US. At least he's not a felon.